The First Reality :
The problem of existence
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: Death and Dying
Another attempt to escape from this ever impending death and insecurity of life is to forget about death, and to devote one’s life to enjoying the pleasures of life. We even think that it is pessimistic to think of death. We try to hide from the fact of death in many ways, and attempt to carry on life, enjoying the pleasures of the senses. Some people do not like to keep a dead body in their home. They keep it in a special place hidden from the public. They even try to prevent children from looking at a dead body. They also try to stop children speak about death. It is only recently that people have begun to speak about death, or even write books on death. It was quite recently that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote her book on Death and Dying, where she describes five stages of grief:
1. Denial — Because of the difficulty in facing a loss, the first reaction is Denial. The person tries to shut out the reality or magnitude of the situation, and develops a false reality that is preferable.
2. Anger — “Why me? It's not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame? At the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, and therefore becomes angry. Misplaced feelings of rage appear. Anger can manifest itself in different ways such as: anger with themselves, with others, and especially with close ones. It is important to remain nonjudgmental when dealing with such a person.
3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years…" or "I will give my life savings if…"
At the third stage a hope arises that the individual can somehow undo or avoid the cause of grief. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…" People facing a less serious trauma can bargain. For example: "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it is a matter of life or death.
4. Depression — During the fourth stage, the grieving person begins to understand the certainty of death. "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and being sullen and gloomy. This process allows the grieving person to disconnect from things of love and affection, possibly in an attempt to avoid further trauma. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It is natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. Often times, this is the ideal path to take, to find closure and make their way to the fifth step, Acceptance.
5. Acceptance —In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or inevitable future. "It's going to be okay." "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." This stage varies according to the person's situation. This typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable mindset.
Kübler-Ross originally developed this model based on her observations of people suffering from terminal illnesses.
She later expanded her theory to apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well as many tragedies and disasters (and even minor losses).
Supporting her theory, many (both sufferers and therapists) have reported the usefulness of the Kübler-Ross Model in a wide variety of situations where people were experiencing a significant loss. The application of the theory is intended to help the sufferer to fully resolve each stage, then help them transit to the next – at the appropriate time – rather than getting stuck in a particular phase or continually bouncing around from one unresolved phase to another.